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questionable finger

I’m getting emotional whiplash from my parents. I don’t know what’s what. Today my Dad called and asked when I was bringing the AT&T papers by. I said whenever it was most convenient for them. He asked if I was going to swing by on my lunch break, and I said that I could do that. Then he asked if I could pick up a Bento Box  for their lunch and whatever I wanted. I said sure.

So I ordered their food, picked it up and went to their apartment. I got confused with directions as I often do, and it took me longer than it should have. I got angry about that for a few seconds and then calmed myself down. Five additional minutes was not going to be a big deal. I still found myself driving rather aggressively. Which I felt guilty about almost immediately. Then I tried to breathe and relax about it.  I thought about French fries on the way there. Hot, salty McDonald’s French fries. I think I already did that once this week. Medium fries and a medium Coke for lunch. By the way, a medium Coke is huge. I keep those little McDonald’s salt packets in my car. That salt is finer than other salt packages. So it sticks better to those fries. I’m trying not to go there anymore. McDonalds. Which might be why I think about fries a lot. Food and feelings! A deadly combination. That’s why ya gotta shove those feelings way down deep inside!

I didn’t stay long at my parent’s long. I was on the phone with AT&T for most of the time I was there. I was getting highly annoyed. But I wanted my Dad there, because he is the authorized user. I will avoid all things AT&T for the rest of my life, whenever possible. AT&T and Toyota.  Hate them both. Assholes. When I was getting ready to leave, my mom began gathering some older tangerines. She put them in a plastic grocery bag for me. Along with a bottle of Sprite. This makes me want to cry. This gesture of love. This is my mother trying to do what she can to try to take care of me when she feels that her world is collapsing around her. When I’m the one taking care of them. I tell both of my parents that I love them, which I do, and I gently hug them both. I walk out of the building with my tangerines and get into my car. I want to yell. I want to yell, “FFFUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!”  to the Universe. I seem to want to do that a lot lately.